Sunday, February 05, 2006

On behalf of the immuno-compromised populace ...

Yes, I've just watched him: Keith Richards. In doing so, I was reminded of AN OPEN LETTER TO KEITH RICHARDS' IMMUNE SYSTEM

Too far back in time to mention here and during a time when I was running sometimes 7 miles a day, I was informed by my very mainstream medical doc that I had come down with what was jokingly referred to as the yuppie flu

Thorough the years I've since read and know more about this subject than I care to and, no thank-you please, I am not in need of any medical advice. However, of all the things written through the years about CFIDS, I still think this is the all-time topper:



AN OPEN LETTER
TO KEITH RICHARDS'
IMMUNE SYSTEM.

December 10, 2004

Dear Keith Richards' Immune System,

Hey! How are you? I know you're busy sustaining four packs a day of Gitanes and overcoming the long-term effects of black-tar heroin, but here's the thing: I need your help.

I have an illness, CFIDS, that suppresses my immune system, and I don't like it. I get fevers that last a month and I'm allergic to 72 foods. (Food, the thing that sustains life, frequently makes me sick.) But I'm not writing on my behalf. No, what keeps me up at night is that AIDS is enveloping Africa, Asia, and Russia with horrifying speed. Tens of millions of individuals—people with families and middle names and private jokes and birthdays—are dying, and all science has been able to do is slow things down a bit.

Here's where you come in. Out of the 6.1 billion human immune systems on the planet, you're clearly the strongest. You've triumphed over the aforementioned tobacco and opiates, and over Mick's preening vocals on "Hot Stuff." What other immune system can claim the same?

On behalf of the immuno-compromised populace, I'm asking that you allow epidemiologists to study your molecular activity before it's too late. Had researchers pounced while Charles Bukowski and William Burroughs were alive, millions could have been saved and I might eat eggs without throwing up.

To paraphrase Princess Leia: Help us, Keith Richards' Immune System. You're our only hope.

Thanks and much continued success,
Litsa Dremousis

3 comments:

Dr. Charles said...

hilarious!

Susan Senator said...

This is really funny; I had the same thought myself: How the hell is he still alive??!!! Scrape some of that dude's DNA, will ya?

Ian Parker said...

I love this!

Too bad we missed out on Hunter S Thompson. He's another one who's immune system must have been at the top end of the range. Is it too late to get some DNA from him?